


heart of a saint, life of a sinner

by palmsxieri



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, a metric ton of angst, this is real gay folks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-05-14 05:39:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19266934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palmsxieri/pseuds/palmsxieri
Summary: His gaze turned red as a trickle of blood ran down his lower lip. His tongue swiped out to clean it.A muffled voice had spoken out to him, his brain too fuzzy to hear what was said.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> please, if you or anyone you know is in this fic refrain from clicking and save us both the embarrassment. 
> 
> triggers: blood and gore

Listen, being a functioning werewolf, who was also gay, who also played hockey was really hard. Really fucking hard. So many secrets had to be kept, anger was pretty much not an option, and dealing with slurs of any kind always sucked.  
The last game against the Penguins was particularly brutal, the hit on Taylor sending ice through his veins. It had left him reeling, fingers itching to grab at flesh and claws aching to tear through bone. He could feel his fangs digging into his cheeks, his eyes threatening to deceive others. His wolf had a target on Letang’s head, one that wouldn’t leave him alone. The familiar copper tang filled his mouth as he bit harder on his cheek, huffing out puffs of air in attempt to calm down. The tips of his gloves started to tear at contact with his claws, slowly extending. His gaze turned red as a trickle of blood ran down his lower lip. His tongue swiped out to clean it.  
A muffled voice had spoken out to him, his brain too fuzzy to hear what was said.

  
“..Nico, you alright?”

  
Nico had turned to Taylor and his wolf had immediately subsided, going docile with a whine, unwilling to give away his secret.

  
“Fine,” he had answered. “Just getting my head in the game.”

  
And it wasn’t exactly a lie, it was no secret the Devils were low in the standings. The playoff run was a bust and they had no shot at making them in April.

  
“Hey, have your eyes always been blue?”

  
Nico felt his stomach drop, quickly looking down at his lap and willing the glowing eyes to go away. They were something that he never showed. He was ashamed of his past, the way he felt about what had happened, the way he enjoyed the smooth glide of tearing skin -

  
“I - I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nico had stuttered. With that, his line was called, leaving no room for Taylor to object.

  
If he was a little rougher on the ice, he could blame that on adrenaline or simply standing up for his teammates.

  
He steered clear of his teammates after the game, instead going home to his shared apartment with Jesper.

  
He slid down the door with a thud, huffing out ragged breaths, sweating a marathon. His vision was red and cloudy, almost as if he was experiencing a hallucination.

  
“Nico?”

  


_Shit._ He forgot Jesper would be home that day after his rehab with the trainer.

  
His eyes popped open to see Jesper looking at him with concern, slowly creeping toward his position.

  
“Don’t, I don’t want to hurt you,” Nico whispered, scratching the floor with his claws.

  
“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Jesper murmured, slowly crouching next to him on the floor. “What three things cannot long be hidden?”

  
“I haven’t had to use that in years-”

  
“Just say it,” Jesper said sternly, leaving no room for argument.

  
“The sun, the moon, the truth,” Nico panted out.

  
“Again.”

  
“The sun, the moon, the truth.”

  
“One more time.”

  
“The sun, the moon, the truth.”

  
Slowly, Nico felt his claws and fangs ebb away.

  
“Thanks,” he mumbled, standing up.

  
“Want to talk about it?” Jesper asked.

  
Nico shook his head with a sad smile. He stalked his way to his room and shut the door with a small click.

  
***

  
“Tell me something,” Jesper says the next morning, making Nico jump out of his skin.

  
“Jesus, warn a guy,” he retorts, rubbing the sleep from his face.

  
“Blue eyes... they mean you took a life, yeah?”

  
Nico chokes on air. “Uh, yeah?”

  
“Okay, tell me.”

  
“I don’t think now is really the best time-“

  
“Nico,” Jesper all but growls, which is ironic because he pretty much looks like a bean.

  
“Fine, fine, I killed someone, okay? It was a long time ago, and I meant to do it, and I liked it. I loved the way it felt to tear into flesh and bone and it left a satisfactory feeling in my gut. Happy now?”

  
Jesper was silent for a moment, his eyes thoughtful.

  
“Do you remember when I first found out you were a werewolf?” He opts for instead, grabbing a protein shake and unscrewing the cap.

  
Nico snorts, remembering how Jesper thought he was indulging in a weird sex fantasy with all of his chains.

  
“You really weren’t good at hiding your secret,” Jesper laughs, taking a sip of his drink.

  
“True,” Nico answers, “but I’ve gotten better at it.”

  
Jesper nods, giving a small smile before retreating to the bathroom.

  
“You’re a good person, Nico, don’t forget that,” Jesper yells on his way out.

  
Nico hums. He looks down at where his claws are digging into his palms and wishes he could believe it.

 

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sorry,” he mumbles, “it’s been a lot harder to stay in control lately.”
> 
>  
> 
> “It’s okay,” Nolan says, and he means it. “Are you in a rift with your anchor?”
> 
>  
> 
> “My what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m back!
> 
> warning: there are graphic descriptions of violence.

Eventually Nico decides to do what seems most reasonable – call for backup. So, he calls Nolan. But in calling Nolan he inadvertently called Travis too, which means that he ends up with the entire Flyers roster in his apartment.

  
He shifts uncomfortably, squirming under all of the gazes.

  
“Guys, do you mind leaving?” Nolan sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “That means you too, TK.”

  
The Flyers all complain but Nolan’s glare is enough to cut through stone.

  
“Thank you,” Nico says, relieved. “They were starting to get in my head.”

  
“No problem, so tell me. What’s got you so worked up?”

  
Nico opens his mouth to reply but is interrupted by a noise outside. He’s quick to jump up and glow his eyes, growling at the direction of the sound.

  
“Nico, woah, hey, calm down,” Nolan soothes, resting a hand on his shoulder.

  
Nico turns his head, and his own blue eyes are met by Nolan’s golden ones.

  
“It was just a bird, it accidentally flew into a window.”

  
They both sit back down on the couch and Nico visibly relaxes.

  
“Sorry,” he mumbles, “it’s been a lot harder to stay in control lately.”

  
“It’s okay,” Nolan says, and he means it. “Are you in a rift with your anchor?”

  
“My what?”

  
Nolan eyes him skeptically. “Your anchor. The person who calms you down?”

  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nico shakes his head.

  
“Oh my god, you’re a bitten werewolf, I’m dumb,” Nolan slaps his face. “An anchor is a person or item that calms you down and keeps you from doing rash things. My anchor is TK.”

  
“TK keeps you calm,” Nico repeats. “Yeah, sure. Okay.”

  
“Hey, I’m being serious,” Nolan snarks, but he’s smiling. “So you don’t have an anchor?”

  
“I guess not,” Nico replies. “Is that a bad thing?”

  
“No, not unless you’re in some deep shit where you killed your anchor.”

  
Nico freezes, his hand instantly running over the long scar on his hip.

  
“I think I just realized something,” he says quietly.

  
***

  
_His girlfriend screamed when she saw his fangs and claws. He hadn’t planned on going put on the full moon, but she showed up and refused to take no for an answer._

  
_“Please go,” he begged, control slipping through the cracks of his conscience._

  
_She refused, wanting to know what he was, what he could do. She grabbed a pair of scissors and sliced a small cut on his leg, watching the skin close up and heal. She did it again, this time grabbing a small butter knife and did the same thing, watching in amazement and curiosity. He screamed in pain and shouted at her to leave, but she had a look in her eyes that would terrify even the most horrible of creatures. She continued to slice away with her butter knife until she got bored and decided to go bigger. She grabbed the largest knife in the kitchen and stabbed the skin right above his hip and dragged it all the way to his stomach, making him roar._

  
_He should have known that she was from a family of hunters._

  
_He grabbed her by the throat and sliced his claws through it, spattering blood everywhere._

  
_When she dropped to the floor a part of him snapped and disintegrated._

_He was still smiling._

  
***

  
Nico hadn’t realized he started to shift until Nolan grabbed his arms and pinned them to his side.

  
“Nico, that’s not your fault,” Nolan says.

  
“I wanted to kill her, Nolan,” Nico argues back. “I wanted to kill her and I did. And I liked it. Look at my eyes, they say it all.”

  
“Your eyes say nothing, Nico. They don’t mean jack shit. They don’t represent the amazing and kind person you are.”

  
“But-“

  
“No buts,” Nolan interrupts. “We’re talking more about this tomorrow.”

  
With that, he shuts the door softly and Nico waits until his heartbeat is far enough away to scream.

  
He grabs his hair and tugs until he can’t feel the roots anymore, eventually letting go and grabbing a vase and chucking it at the wall. He’s shaking with anger until the anger slowly turns into fear, which turns into sadness.

  
He curls up on the couch and sobs until he falls asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments fuel the writer!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The food’s burning,” Taylor grouches, scrolling through some dumb Instagram page on his phone.
> 
>  
> 
> “Shit,” Nico mutters, turning off the gas and attempting to grab the pot and move it.
> 
>  
> 
> He hisses and drops it when he misses the rubber handle, grabbing his hand and backing away.
> 
>  
> 
> “Fuck, are you okay?”
> 
>  
> 
> “I- I’m fine,” Nico laughs nervously, shoving his hands in his sweatshirt pockets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this at 2 am so please don’t judge

He should’ve known things would get worse when that Hughes kid was drafted.   
It was no secret he was a werewolf, and it was also no secret that he was destined to be Nico’s protégé. He was practically forced to make a welcome video, and it sent sick twists through his stomach and abdomen. He could barely handle himself as is, there was no way he could handle another beta around.

  
Could he?

  
No.

  
No he couldn’t.

  
***

  
Dodging Jack was harder than he thought. The kid was so sweet, so innocent, it almost made him sick. To make matters worse, he actually liked the kid. The team loved him, and he instantly was the new baby of the team, having people swoon left and right for him.

  
Nico missed those days.

  
He especially misses them while he stands in Taylor’s kitchen, making dinner for the two of them, constantly distracted by Taylor walking around, clad in nothing but sweatpants and slides.

  
“The food’s burning,” Taylor grouches, scrolling through some dumb Instagram page on his phone.

  
“Shit,” Nico mutters, turning off the gas and attempting to grab the pot and move it.

  
He hisses and drops it when he misses the rubber handle, grabbing his hand and backing away.

  
“Fuck, are you okay?”

  
“I- I’m fine,” Nico laughs nervously, shoving his hands in his sweatshirt pockets.

  
“Dude, there’s no way you’re fine, you just grabbed the bottom of the pot with no oven mitts on,” Taylor says incredulously, holding up his hands.

  
“I did?”

  
He hadn’t even realized that there was no rubber to grab onto.

  
“Let me see,” Taylor snaps, and tries to grab Nico’s wrist before he can turn away.

  
“Stop it, I told you, I’m fine-“

  
He’s too late in protesting, as Taylor grabs his hand and examines it. Sees that it’s completely healed.

Nico doesn’t bother sticking around, he snatches his hand and runs out the door, ignoring Taylor’s protests.

  
His senses are overloaded as he runs through the halls of the apartment building, and there’s too much noise for him to be able to hear Taylor’s running footsteps behind him.

  
He’s not sure how, but he ends up running from the apartment building to the nearest stretch of woods, still too preoccupied to hear Taylor trailing behind him.

  
He hides himself behind a rather large tree, slumping down to the grass and digging his claws into the earth. He doesn’t need a mirror to know that he’s begun to shift.

  
“Nico?”

  
Nico jumps at Taylor’s voice, scrabbling back, huffing out short growls and straining to keep himself under control.

  
“Nico, what the hell is going on? Why are your eyes blue?”

  
The light drains from Nico’s eyes at the fear and anger in Taylor’s voice. Taylor moves closer to him and before he realizes it, he’s on his feet and is growling at Taylor in warning.

  
“Woah, dude, calm down,” Taylor stresses, backing up. “I get you need space. But you’ve got to explain this to me.”

  
“He’s right, you know,” a voice calls out.   
Nico growls at the new sound, flexing his claws.

  
“Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” Nolan says, slowly walking toward Taylor. He nods his forgiveness, turning his attention back to Nico.

  
“Nico, you have to calm down,” Nolan says sternly. “Remember your mantra? What three things cannot long be hidden?”

  
Nico just growls back, too terrified and angry to process any words coming out of his mouth.

  
“Hey, hey, look at me,” Nolan growls, flashing his eyes. “What three things cannot long be hidden?”

  
The blue in Nico’s eyes falter as he begins to recite the mantra. He does so until he can feel his claws and fangs disappear.

  
Nolan tilts his head, silently asking if he was okay. Nico nodded slightly, getting up and brushing himself off.

  
“So,” he says dumbly. “Surprise?”

  
“You’re a werewolf,” Taylor says, and Nico would be surprised if there were no flies in hi mouth. He nods his conformation.

  
“Intense.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments fuel the writer :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Right, so, theoretically, what would you do if you fell in love with your teammate?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no warnings here!

So, all things considered, Taylor was pretty chill about the whole werewolf things once all of his questions were answered.

  
“So if someone shot you with a silver bullet, would it kill you?”

  
“No, that’s a myth.”

  
“If you bit me, would I turn?” Taylor asks seriously, leaning toward the table.

  
“No,” Nico sighs, and has to fight the urge to roll his eyes. “I’m not an alpha.”

  
“Do you have one?”

  
“Er, no. And I'm pretty sure Jack doesn’t have one either.”

  
“Jack is a werewolf?!”

  
And, well. He pretty much walked himself into that one.

  
“Never mind that. Just tell me one thing – Brayden Point. He's, uh, y’know. Right?”

  
Nico actually laughs out loud. “Yeah, he’s got one of those faces.”

  
Taylor laughs along with him, and Jesper comes in and makes a face. He opens the fridge and grabs one of his gross chocolate drink things.

  
“Why is there so much laughter in my kitchen? It's ruining my dark and gloomy mood,” he complains.

  
“Brayden Point,” Taylor says like it explains everything, and they both resolve into giggles again. Jesper just shakes his head and leaves with his protein shake.

  
“Can I see it again?” Taylor asks, pointing to his face. “The, you know. Wolf-y face.”

  
Nico arches an eyebrow at Taylor’s terminology but complies, glowing his eyes and extending his fangs.

  
“Cool,” Taylor breathes, his eyes going wide. “Hey, why are your eyes blue? Aren't Nolan’s yellow?”

  
“Uh, yeah, um.” Nico mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll tell you about that later, yeah? I just realized that Miles wanted to go over game tape.”

  
With that he jumps up and practically scampers out of his own apartment.

  
***

  
He shoots a quick text to Nolan and Miro, the only other wolves in his draft class, who he knew would be around because of the Dallas New York series coming up. He definitely breaks the speed limit on the highway, but that’s not in his presence of mind.

  
“I have a problem,” he says, forgoing all greetings when he arrives at their meeting spot.

  
The three hockey players settle themselves in a clearing, staring at the clouds in the sky.

  
“What’s wrong?” Miro asks through his thick accent, and it feels like home for Nico, hearing someone else with an accent.

  
“Right, so, theoretically, what would you do if you fell in love with your teammate?”

  
“It’s Taylor, isn’t it,” Nolan says flatly.

  
“I said theoretically,” Nico mumbles. “but yeah, it’s him. And I’m so fucking screwed.”

  
“Well, he knows you’re a werewolf, yeah?” Miro asks. “That’s the hard part, right?”

  
“Yeah, but the even harder part is explaining my sexuality,” Nico snaps. “Sorry, sorry. I just – this is something I’ve never had to deal with before.”

  
He sits up and picks at the grass by his feet, watching as the roots tear up dirt as he tugs.

  
“I think you should tell him,” Nolan mumbles, closing his eyes. “He’s not gonna be pissed or anything.”

  
“That’s just it,” Nico half-yells, flopping back on the grass. “I don’t know if I can handle being in a relationship again.”

  
“Nico,” Miro shushes, turning to face him. “He’ll be fine. I’m sure of it.”

  
Nico huffs, shifting his body so he’s pressed against Nolan. Nolan’s arms automatically wrap around his shoulders protectively, and Miro inches closer so he’s spooning Nico as well.

  
“You’ll be okay,” Nolan whispers as Nico closes his eyes. “You’ll be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of a filler for other things i had planned :)
> 
> and if you want some backstory, nico, nolan and miro:
> 
> -cuddled after the draft class  
> -may or may not have scheduled wolf time  
> -love each other platonically
> 
> comments fuel the writer :)

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, i don’t know either. 
> 
> come yell at me on tumblr: @blake-coleman


End file.
